


i feel like im dying and im praying you'll notice

by beigetea



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Steve Harrington Needs a Hug, im the ceo of ed fics, lolz i dont even post anything else, steve harrington is once again white boy of the month, this is my coping mechanism can you tell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:28:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27145229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beigetea/pseuds/beigetea
Summary: steve harrington has an eating disorder. everything is shit
Relationships: Robin Buckley & Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington & Dustin Henderson, Steve Harrington & The Party
Comments: 7
Kudos: 65





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> hi so this work will have multiple chapters, this one is very short because its the prologue and i want to see how much traffic it gets before i decide whether or not to continue because i already have a shit ton of wips

steve harrington was used to being battered up.

it came with the job, as school douchebag. he was no stranger to pain. he endured pain, numbness, neglect his entire life. pain, he could deal with.

it was hunger he couldn’t.

the hunger that was paleness and constant aches and bruises and stars on the ceiling every time you stand up. the hunger that ate you whole. the hunger that left you weak and dizzy and sad and nauseous.

he developed an eating disorder when he was fifteen. basketball meant eyes on your body, and when coach bowman caught him in the showers, and told him to _start watching your weight, harrington, or you might be too fat to make the team next year_ , he did. he took coach bowman’s advice, and it was hard. he had already exercised daily, but dieting was hard. he loved food. but coach bowman’s words and the sneers of his teammates casted a shadow upon his mind, one which tainted his food with regret and poisoned his mind with disgust. bowman’s words were innocent, ones any coach would remark to a player.

steve was always too sensitive for his own good.

he had stopped eating. it was hell, it was hell and it was traumatic. the consuming hunger and the tears and the shaking of his own hands _and the cold_ , god, the cold, were all okay. they were okay, he could live. but then his hair started falling out, and hell if steve ‘the hair’ harrington was going to allow his hair to fall out. it had started with innocent strands, and progressed to clumps in the shower. it was too much.

he ate and he ate and he ate until he thought he was going to die but he did it and he did it alone. 

and then all the weird space monster time dimension shit happened.

old habits die hard.


	2. operation: save steve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i HATE using rich text but im not in the mood to format this nor am i going to beta this so just read it. or not tbh i dont give a fuck

“steve, you okay?”

it was dustin who asked. steve was his ride to the arcade, as usual, and dustin seemed to notice something was off. steve hadn’t eaten in three days.

“yeah, i’m fine. do you have your quarters?” dustin nodded. 

“are you sure you’re okay?”

“yes. im fine. now go have fun with your friends before i kick your ass.”

dustin raised his arms comically and left, closing the door behind him. steve was left alone. he often was.

he wondered why dustin asked if everything was okay. what gave him away? his eye bags were always prominent and fuck if he knew what to do about them, otherwise nothing else about himself seemed cause for concern. weird. but dustin had a habit of microanalazying everyone, picking up on the smallest discrepancies and asking about them, and as much as it BOTHERED him. like all the time. steve loved him all the more for it. dustin was a kid, a traumatized one, who had seen monsters and alternate dimensions and evil russians. he had witnessed so much suffering, and steve understood that dustin wouldn’t want anyone to suffer. dustin was a caring and nurturing soul.

dustin would be a good parent one day.

(unlike steves)

steve collapsed on the couch as soon as he got home. this whole not-eating thing was draining. a few more days and steve would have to give up on being dustin’s personal chauffeur. he turned on the tv and watched a rerun of some sitcom about the lives of a bunch of superficial college students. he liked the blonde girl, but her boyfriend was much too clingy. he fell asleep not long after.

________________________

dustin was worried about steve.

dustin was worried about everybody. perpetually. but everybody had somebody to look after them. the crew had their parents, (el had hopper, yes, hopper is el’s parent, there will be no discussion,) and each other, but steve had nobody. steve had dustin. steve’s parents were grade A assholes who thought it was okay to neglect their kid and go off on neverending honeymoons for centuries at a time. steve lost everyone else. nancy and all of his weird friends, they were gone. steve was alone. and fuck if dustin was going to let that happen.

it was so obvious. in the way steve had eyebags the size of france and the way he was so incredibly pale and the way his hair didn’t stand up properly, it just limply fell around his face, his face, which was gaunt and thin and every other part of him was too.

and steve just looked so exhausted, even though all he ever did nowadays was sleep.

dustin hurried into the arcade with a look of determination on his face.

“we need to help steve.”

“what?” 

“we need to help him.”

mike and lucas were too infatuated with  _ dragon’s lair  _ to pay any attention to dustin. max just looked at him with a strange look. “ _ why?” _

“there’s something wrong with him. he isn’t well.”

“how are we supposed to help him if we don’t know what’s wrong?” asked will.

“we find out. i don’t know, he’s just so pale and thin and i’m just scared for him.

“let’s tell hopper,” said el.

“no. steve wouldn’t want us to.”

max shook her head. “isn’t steve the one with a problem here?”

“you know what? fine. i’ll tell steve to give us a ride home, and you will all see just how bad he is.”

________________________

“we need to help him.”

steve had given them all a ride to hopper’s place. max had finally seemed to realize that dustin was right.

“i told you. we have to do something.”

will shook his head. “we should tell my mom or hopper. if he’s sick, they’ll know what to do. he looks sick.”

max looked at dustin. “have you asked him what’s wrong?”

dustin rolled his eyes at max. “no shit.  _ yes, i asked him what’s wrong.  _ and he dismissed it. he said he was fine, and we all know that’s not true.”

lucas nodded. “well, okay. we have to find out exactly what’s wrong. unleash our inner detective. operation: save steve has begun.”

dustin nodded. “yeah. i like the sound of that.”


End file.
